Smelly Pirate Hookers II

    Agent 54 here again. Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the Presidential race.  It was a great race for Ron.  Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the long campaign trail. 

Just weeks before the Primary Election season begins, we have another update on the Smelly Pirate Hookers scandal that has been plaguing the Ron Burgundy Presidential Campaign from the start.

Blitzed: This is Blitzed Wolfer reporting from the 2016 Presidential campaign trail for CAN. We have Democrat Congressman Cam Brady here today to discuss the Smelly Pirate Hooker scandal that is shaking the national campaign of Candidate Ron Burgundy. Congressman, you are from North Carolina a state that is famous for Pirates. Do you in fact know any smelly Pirates?

Cam Brady: Thank you for having me here Blitz. North,,,

Blitzed: (cutting him off) It’s Blitzed, my name is Blitzed.

Cam: Blintzed? Blipzed? Blitzed, Blitzed, is that it?

Blitzed: That’s it, how many Pirates do you know?

Cam: In North Carolina we are very proud of our East Carolina University Pirates and their football team. I know that sometimes after games or practices when they work-up a good sweat they can become temporarily “aromatically challenged” however, that is nothing that a hot shower and a splash of Sex Panther cologne won’t fix in a jiffy. I believe calling them “smelly Pirates” is, is irresponsible and uncalled for and also, Ron Burgundy is a fine man and his hair is a work of art.

Blitzed: Let’s get back to the question. The people want to know, how many smelly Pirates do you know?

Cam: I know many fine men, are some of them Pirates? Who is to say? You know it turns my stomach to hear fine men smeared with terms like “smelly” and “Pirates”. If the other side of the aisle wants to engage in that kind of politics, well then, let them. I however, will NOT stoop to their stinky level.

Blitzed: Congressman!  Do you or don’t you know smelly Pirates? 

Cam: In this great land we are free to pursue happiness in our own way. Standing on the deck of a Pirate ship is as American as well, as the Nina, Pita and the Santa Maria.

Blitzed: Okay, one more time, I’m looking for a number here, Cam boy. What about the smelly Pirates?

Cam: You know in America we have always had the right to….

Blitzed: (cutting Cam off) Okay, that’s it, it’s a wrap. Let’s get the hell outta here. Maybe if we hurry we can catch Nancy Pelosi coming from her psychiatrists office for a comment.

(While the crew is furiously shutting down and packing up)

Cam: Uh, okay, are we done?,,,,,,we’re done?,,,,,okay well thank you Blintzed and thank you America.  Are we off? We’re off? Because I have to get a haircut,,,,,,so I’ll just go then,,,,I’m going now,,,I’m gone,,,,I could come back,,,,no? Okay.

 Wow! We literally learned nothing there.  Will smelly pirate hookers continue to plague the Burgundy campaign?   Stay tuned to Agent 54 as I reveal, uh, stuff I think I might know.

Smelly Pirate Hookers

Tailgating with the Cheeseheads

Are You Ready For Some Football?