Sunday, June 26, 2016

The Warrior’s Studio, with Blitzed Wolfer Vol. IV

  Agent 54 here again.  Time for another episode of The Warrior’s Studio.  These interviews of intergalactic warriors are just getting better and better.  Let’s see who’s in the studio today.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Welcome everyone to the fourth installment of The Warrior’s Studio.  I’m your host, Blitzed Wolfer and it’s my distinct pleasure to welcome the intergalactic swashbuckler, Spacebeard to the studio today.

Audience:  Polite applause for Spacebeard.

Spacebeard:  Ahoy maties!  Yo ho ho, it be great to be here with ye land lubbers.

Blitzed:  So, I noticed you’re standing on your chair.  Is that due to your wooden leg?

Spacebeard:  Aye!  Quite perceptive of ye there matey.  Yea, since I lost me leg I  find sitting to be quite uncomfortable for me.

Blitzed:  Oh, did you lose your leg in a fierce battle with Empirical forces?

Spacebeard:  Arrrrgh!  No, no it weren’t quite like that.

Blitzed:  Well, please tell us how it happened.  I’m sure my audience would be fascinated to hear this story.

Spacebeard:  Arrrrgh!  Very well then.  One space day when I be just hangin out on me Millennium Buzzard, arrrrgh, that’s me ship, with some Smelly Pirate Space Hookers I,,,

Blitzed:  (interrupting) Wait!  You hang out with Smelly Pirate Space Hookers?

Spacebeard:  Aye!  Why else would a man become a Space Pirate?

Blitzed:  Well, we thought it would be to do battle and help defeat the Evil Empire.

Spacebeard:  Arrrrgh!  Uh, No!  That would be dumb.  No, hanging out with Smelly Pirate Space Hookers and enjoying tons of fine booty taken from the Empire are the only reasons to become a Space Pirate.  Aye!  That and to be yer own boss.

Blitzed:  Very interesting.  Please tell us more about how you take the booty from Darth Vader.

Spacebeard:  Aye!  Well, me ship, the Millennium Buzzard is equipped with the latest electronic cloaking devices.  That allows us to be hiddin near the shipping lanes between the largest vessels the Empire’s got and their space bases.  Ye may know that the Empire uses EMPEX (Empirical Express) to send supplies from their bases to their largest star cruisers.  Aye!  Me maties and I, we wait until the coast is clear, then we be apouncin, or I mean we beam aboard the courier ships and yo ho ho, the booty is all ours.

Blitzed:  Oh my!  That sounds terribly dangerous.  Don’t the couriers have security aboard?  Do they put up a good fight?

Spacebeard:  Arrrrgh!  Hell no!  That would be dumb.  No, no we’ve taken care of them by cutting them in for a share of the loot from the booty we be sellin on the black space market. 

Blitzed:  How do you get away with that?  Doesn’t Darth Vader use the dark side of the force to catch you?

Spacebeard:  Yo ho ho, hell no!  We be far too small a fly in the Empire’s ointment for them to catch us.  Oh yeah, sometimes the lads on courier ships have to fake injuries or even their own deaths but, I makes it worth it for them.  Darth don’t give a space rats ass about them.

Blitzed:  I see.  So, what kind of booty do you get from the EMPEX ships?

Spacebeard:  Well, we be collectin lots of spare parts and electronics and weapons for sellin on the black space market but, the booty me and me mates prizes the most be the Pepperoni Pizzas.

Blitzed:  Fascinating!  I had a previous guest who told us the Empire loves Pepperoni Pizzas.

Spacebeard:  Aye!  It be true!  And Space Pirates love Pepperoni Pizzas too.  My mates and me, we’ve taken millions of frozen space Pepperoni pies from the Empire over the years.  Aye!  I even took the liberty to be fillin the mini fridge in yer green room with stolen Pepperoni Pizzas, courtesy of Darth Vader.

Blitzed:  Oh, thank you.  That was very kind of you.  Maybe I’ll take advantage of that after this interview.

Spacebeard:  Aye! I’m a thinkin the two Smelly Pirate Space Hookers I brought with me tonight might be enjoyin that too.

Blitzed:  Wha, wha, wait!  You brought a couple of Smelly Pirate Space Hookers with you?  Really?  Can I meet them?

Spacebeard:  Aye!  They be awaitin us in that there green room ye got with the Pizzas and a few space brews.  Tonight ye be like one of me crew.  Ye be partying like a real proper Space Pirate as soon as we wrap this up.

Blitzed:  Oh boy!  Well I guess that’s all the time we have.  See ya later on the next episode of The Warriors Studio.

 Wow!  Didn’t I tell you these interviews were getting better and better.  I’m sure this one was Blitz’s favorite.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

BSers Union Meeting

  Agent 54 here again.  I was required to attend a very important BSers (Brotherhood of Secret Electronically Recorded Surveillances) Union, Local Chapter 1099, meeting for my job at the NSA under the DORD.  Oye Vay! 

Here’s my report.

Scene:  Large union hall with hundreds of audience seats and small stage with a podium and 6 chairs flanking it on each side.  There are many flags behind the podium and chairs and a portrait of the union President is hanging above center stage.  As the union members are milling about and filling the seats, Inspector Gadget takes the podium.

Inspector Gadget:  Alright everybody, settle down.  I want to get this meeting started on time.

  Flo walks up to the podium from the side of the stage.  She is wearing her official BSers Union jacket with the official seal on it.

Flo:  (As she’s walking)  Com’on  Inspector Gadget, you know I’m the head of our local.  This is my meeting.  Git!  Shoo!

  Flo chases Gadget off the stage.

Flo:  Alright everybody, we get enough BS doing our jobs so I want to cut the crap and get right to the results of the election of this year’s negotiating team for the BSers Local 1099.  Okay, let’s settle down and get to it.

  Audience of union members politely applauds and settles down.  Agent 54 is seated next to John Rambo in the middle of the audience.

Agent 54 (to John Rambo):  I sure hope I was elected to the team.

Rambo (to Agent 54):  Me too.  I hope they didn’t elect a bunch of butt-kissers like last year.

Flo:  Okay, I’m going to read the list of winners.  As I call your name, come join me on the stage and take a seat.  Here we go.

  As Flo reads the names there are various cheers and even some jeers and the room gets noisy.  As Flo goes on the jeering gets louder.  When Flo is done Agent 54 and Rambo have looks of stunned disappointment on their faces.

Agent 54:  What the hell!

Rambo:  What the hell!  Who the heck voted for them bozos?

Agent 54:  I demand a recount!  Can I demand a recount?  What the hell?

Rambo:  Yeah, I dunno.  What the hell can we do?

Agent 54:  How are those knuckleheads going to negotiate?  I mean, the language
John Rambo
barrier alone is a reason to vote for someone else, like me!

Rambo:  Yeah, I mean El Guapo is going to be a real problem on that team.

Agent 54:  Well actually, I was thinking of the Minions.  I mean, what the hell language do they speak anyway?

Rambo:  Yeah, there’s that and you know I love Billy Idol but, com’on.

Agent 54:  Right!  Who’s going to keep Billy sober for the negotiations?

  Inspector Gadget startles us by suddenly appearing next to us.

Inspector Gadget:  Take it easy boys.  This election was rigged from the start.  Why else do you think I’m not up there.

Rambo:  I could think of a few reasons.

Agent 54:  Wait!  What the hell?  You mean you knew who was going to win before we voted?  (Stuttering with anger)  An, an, and why would someone rig it to have the phreaking Geico Gecko on the team?  Tha, tha, that don’t make no sense!

Inspector Gadget:  Believe me boys, there’s no one on that team that wasn’t hand-picked by the union President.

  The Joker startles us again by suddenly appearing.

The Joker:  Well, I knew there was something fishy when I saw Charlie Tuna up on the stage.

The Joker
At the sight of the Joker, Agent 54 grabs his head because a painful memory of a previous team building “accident” just came rushing back to him.

Inspector Gadget:  Boys, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll forget this election and just support the negotiating team,  Goodnight.

  Inspector Gadget gets up and walks away and The Joker is gone too.  A stunned Agent 54 turns to Rambo.

Agent 54:  What the hell just happened?

Rambo:  I think we was just sent a message.

Agent 54:  What the hell are we going to do.

Rambo:  What’s this “we” crap?  I’m going to keep my mouth shut and go with the flow.

  Flo startles us again by appearing out of nowhere.

Flo:  That’s good advice.  You best take it, Agent 54.  Com’on, let me buy you a Dr. Pepper.

Agent 54:  Yeah uh, I guess,  Uh, alright, uh, go team go.

So, Agent 54 lost another one.  Oh well, there’s always next year.  Just got to figure out who’s butt to kiss.  “Go team go!”

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Old Church of Guadalupe Arizona.

Iglesia de Tres Santos

  I got up early to take pictures at sunrise of this old church in Guadalupe Arizona.  I was told it is the Church of The Three Saints or Iglesia de Tres Santos.

The inside of The Church of Three Saints was simple and beautiful.  I love all the wood and the Ocotillo Cactus used for the ceiling.

This Shrine was very interesting too.

 I enjoyed the changing of the colors the play of the shadows as the sun rose.

Sun rising across the parking lot and the ball-field from the church.  The small light on the left side in the darkness is a fire pit.  Three amigos apparently stayed out all night drinking and telling tall tales around the campfire. 

Hieroglyphics Trail

Prescott Arizona

*Happily Ever After*