BSers Union Meeting

  Agent 54 here again.  I was required to attend a very important BSers (Brotherhood of Secret Electronically Recorded Surveillances) Union, Local Chapter 1099, meeting for my job at the NSA under the DORD.  Oye Vay! 

Here’s my report.

Scene:  Large union hall with hundreds of audience seats and small stage with a podium and 6 chairs flanking it on each side.  There are many flags behind the podium and chairs and a portrait of the union President is hanging above center stage.  As the union members are milling about and filling the seats, Inspector Gadget takes the podium.

Inspector Gadget:  Alright everybody, settle down.  I want to get this meeting started on time.

  Flo walks up to the podium from the side of the stage.  She is wearing her official BSers Union jacket with the official seal on it.

Flo:  (As she’s walking)  Com’on  Inspector Gadget, you know I’m the head of our local.  This is my meeting.  Git!  Shoo!

  Flo chases Gadget off the stage.

Flo

Flo:  Alright everybody, we get enough BS doing our jobs so I want to cut the crap and get right to the results of the election of this year’s negotiating team for the BSers Local 1099.  Okay, let’s settle down and get to it.

  Audience of union members politely applauds and settles down.  Agent 54 is seated next to John Rambo in the middle of the audience.

Agent 54 (to John Rambo):  I sure hope I was elected to the team.

Rambo (to Agent 54):  Me too.  I hope they didn’t elect a bunch of butt-kissers like last year.

Flo:  Okay, I’m going to read the list of winners.  As I call your name, come join me on the stage and take a seat.  Here we go.

  As Flo reads the names there are various cheers and even some jeers and the room gets noisy.  As Flo goes on the jeering gets louder.  When Flo is done Agent 54 and Rambo have looks of stunned disappointment on their faces.

Agent 54:  What the hell!

Rambo:  What the hell!  Who the heck voted for them bozos?

Agent 54:  I demand a recount!  Can I demand a recount?  What the hell?

Rambo:  Yeah, I dunno.  What the hell can we do?

Agent 54:  How are those knuckleheads going to negotiate?  I mean, the language

John Rambo

barrier alone is a reason to vote for someone else, like me!

Rambo:  Yeah, I mean El Guapo is going to be a real problem on that team.

Agent 54:  Well actually, I was thinking of the Minions.  I mean, what the hell language do they speak anyway?

Rambo:  Yeah, there’s that and you know I love Billy Idol but, com’on.

Agent 54:  Right!  Who’s going to keep Billy sober for the negotiations?

  Inspector Gadget startles us by suddenly appearing next to us.

Inspector Gadget:  Take it easy boys.  This election was rigged from the start.  Why else do you think I’m not up there.

Rambo:  I could think of a few reasons.

Agent 54:  Wait!  What the hell?  You mean you knew who was going to win before we voted?  (Stuttering with anger)  An, an, and why would someone rig it to have the phreaking Geico Gecko on the team?  Tha, tha, that don’t make no sense!

Inspector Gadget:  Believe me boys, there’s no one on that team that wasn’t hand-picked by the union President.

  The Joker startles us again by suddenly appearing.

The Joker:  Well, I knew there was something fishy when I saw Charlie Tuna up on the stage.

 

The Joker

At the sight of the Joker, Agent 54 grabs his head because a painful memory of a previous team building “accident” just came rushing back to him.

Inspector Gadget:  Boys, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll forget this election and just support the negotiating team,  Goodnight.

  Inspector Gadget gets up and walks away and The Joker is gone too.  A stunned Agent 54 turns to Rambo.

Agent 54:  What the hell just happened?

Rambo:  I think we was just sent a message.

Agent 54:  What the hell are we going to do.

Rambo:  What’s this “we” crap?  I’m going to keep my mouth shut and go with the flow.

  Flo startles us again by appearing out of nowhere.

Flo:  That’s good advice.  You best take it, Agent 54.  Com’on, let me buy you a Dr. Pepper.

Agent 54:  Yeah uh, I guess,  Uh, alright, uh, go team go.

So, Agent 54 lost another one.  Oh well, there’s always next year.  Just got to figure out who’s butt to kiss.  “Go team go!”

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