Sunday, September 25, 2016
Too Many Emotions
Agent 54 here again. I’ve been around for a while now and I’ve come to the conclusion that there are just too many emotions involved in human existence.
Sure, there are some emotions that people like. Love, satisfaction, happiness, joy, excited and full come to mind but, these positive emotions are overwhelmed by negative emotions like, hate, disappointment, anger, sadness, frustration, irked, perturbed, disgusted, offended, confusion, embarrassment, envy, jealousy, and not full. Why so many negatives? It’s not fair.
The second problem with all these emotions is severity. There are too many highs and lows because people take these emotions to extremes. Even love. I know you love your little Chihuahua but, carrying it around in public or in your purse is going too far. Likewise, I understand you hate my cigar smoke but, banning smoking in every building in the country is a little extreme, don’t ya think?
Sometimes I get confused wondering about which emotions or how much emotion people expect to see from me in certain situations. Example: You tell me your dog died. I don’t like dogs but, I like you. So I fake empathy for your dog while Bob, my favorite voice in my head, is telling me that you should just go to the animal shelter and pick out a new, totally dependent, dirty and dumb animal to chew on your new shoes and crap on your carpet. Of course I have to suppress Bob because you would freak out if I told you Muffy or Dogzilla was no more important or hard to replace than your favorite reclining chair. Oh great! Now the dog lovers are offended. I’m Sorry (am I really sorry or just faking it?). Great! Now you know what it’s like to be confused like me.
Emotions can make you do some dumb stuff. Raise your hand if you grow your hair long now to cover that tattoo that says “I love Gertrude” or “Leroy & Me” on your neck. I myself once got so angry at someone that I punched a solid oak door and broke my hand. Pretty dumb. In fact, that’s so dumb I’m going to deny that I did that. Oh, BTW, you can put your hands down now. Yeah, I didn’t break my hand. That was Stu, one of the other voices in my head. See, emotions can make you tell lies.
Expressing emotions correctly can be difficult too. Have you ever accidentally used the wrong emoji? Do you even know what an emoji is? What about our facial expressions? All of our faces are different. What if I drink too much coffee (is that possible?) and develop a twitch in my eye? You might think I’m winking at you and then the next thing you know, we’re engaged to be married. Who needs that pressure!
FYI: Full is what you are after going to Taco Bell and Not Full is what you are before you go to Taco Bell. I believe that limiting yourself to just these two basic emotions could lead to a more even and sane life. I think Mr. Spock would agree.
So who is going to join me in this noble experiment? Who is brave enough? Please follow my lead and return to this blog post to record your experiences in the comments section twice a week for the next 20 years.