Sunday, October 2, 2016

Zombie Lunch

   Agent 54 here again.  I don’t know why we at the NSA under the DORD have Earl’s Undead Diner, located just outside Pasadena, bugged but, what the heck, I’m getting paid to listen.  Saturday, our old zombie buddies from the movie business met there for lunch.  Here’s my report:

Scene:  Earl’s Undead Diner looks like a typical East Coast diner that has been abandoned for a couple of decades.  It’s dirty and dark and there is Spanish Moss covering much of the exterior.  Inside you can hear Rob Zombie playing on the juke box.  The smell is better than you would think.  Kind of a mixture of a nice Italian tomato sauce and rotting flesh.  There are about two dozen patrons including a few Zombies and Werewolves but, it’s too early in the day for Vampires.  Most of the crowd are regular people dressed up like Zombies or Werewolves or Vampires or Smelly Pirate Hookers.  Tis the season.

  A zombie waitress who was quite good looking, when she was alive, arrives at table 4 where zombies Allan, Max and Brad are seated.

Zombie Waitress:  Hey boys, the usual?

Zombie Brad:  Naw, you got any of that Brainloaf that Jerry’s wife makes for ya?

Waitress:  Yeah, she just dropped 10 more off on Thursday.   Everyone here want the loaf?

Brad:  Yeah, that’s right, guys?

Zombies Allan and Max nod in approval.

Waitress:  3 Brainloafs and 3 Bloody Marys coming up.

As the waitress shuffles away, Max speaks up.

Zombie Max:  Look at those posers over there.  If they only has a clue about what being a real zombie is all about.

Zombie Allan:  I hate them tourists.

Zombie Brad:  Oh com’on guys.  You know, if it weren’t for them, this place would be closed.

Max:  Whatever!  So, have you heard anything about work?

Brad:  I’m on it.  My buddy Ziggy is supposed to have some info for me later this week.

Allan:  What?  That ain’t much to go on.  I ain’t been paid since my second week on that Zombienado fiasco.  That was the stupidest idea ever!

Max:  Yeah, right!  Nobody got paid.  I had high hopes for that project.  I was thinking we might make 2 or 3 sequels for that piece of crap.

Brad:  Yeah, I know that Zombienado failure was a real drag.

Allan:  I’ll say.  Them Producers were a bunch of morons.  I mean, who makes a bunch a stinkin sharks the heroes of a movie?  Don’t make no damn sense.

Brad:  Hey, this is Hollywood we’re talking about.  It makes no sense that Vin Diesel has a career but, he’s rich enough to buy all three of us ten times over.

Max:  Right!  I gave up on trying to make sense.  Now I just want to make cash.

Vin Diesel
Allan:  What the hell happened to them damn Producers anyway?  We ever gonna get paid?  If we don’t get paid, they’d better throw them bums in jail.

Brad:  I heard they left town.  Skipped the country is what I was told.

Max:  You know I heard that too.  I had a fantasy where they were all fleeing to Mexico in a small motorboat that was attacked by Giant Squids and they all got ate.

Brad:  Giant Producer eating Squid.  Hmmm.  You know, Hollywood just might go for something like that.

Max:  You really think so?  I mean they don’t have to be Producers.  They could be Directors or Agents or Politicians or other criminals too.  You know, I could sit down and write something up for this idea.  You wanna help?

Allan:  Here you go again with your big stupid dreams.  You guys been smoking too much uh yur medical marijuana.

Brad and Max together:  Brains, brains, moan, groan.

Allan:  Damn comedians.






38 comments:

  1. brainloaf sounds uuuuuuuuuuuu-mmmmmmmmm interesting :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We should meet at Earl's sometime for lunch.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  2. I think I'll pass on that diner. The people and the food would be very scary.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, maybe some other place and some other time.

      Have a great week.

      Delete
  3. Brainloaf -- : ) then shit for brains on the way out. Sounds like your quintessential hollywood producer.

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    Replies
    1. Uh, thanks for bringing that up.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  4. Poor zombies! They gotta make a living just like the rest of us. Hope they get a break soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, they deserve a break.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  5. well that was an interesting read first thing in the morning ;)

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    Replies
    1. Happy to wake you up.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Service is a little slow but the Brainloaf is to die for.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  7. I agree. I don't think I would want to visit that diner. Thanks for linking up for Wordless Wednesday!

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  8. I'm sure there's plenty of work going in The Walking Dead??! Sounds like they've got a super decent shot there! I'm liking the idea of the Producer Eating Squid-that definitely has the making of a cult classic!! Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink!

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    Replies
    1. I wonder if we could put the financing together to get Giant Producer Eating Squid going?

      Thanks for playing and allowing me to share.

      Delete
  9. This is definitely a festive story, Timothy. Perfect for upcoming Halloween. I'm not sure I'd be frequenting this diner, however. Thank you for sharing this with us on #shinebloghop

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the compliment and thank you for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  10. Brainloaf sounds like something I would serve at my Halloween party! Love the signs, too. Thanks for sharing at the Halloween 2016 blog hop.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for inviting me to your Halloween Party.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  11. Hi from #WeekendBlogShare! I like the idea of Rob Zombie playing in a diner :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought that was appropriate.

      Thanks for visiting and Happy Halloween.

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  12. Well Bloody Marys all round I reckon. Thanks for sharing with #pocolo

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    Replies
    1. Have one on me and thanks for allowing me to share.

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  13. Ewww brain loaf, rofl. Gross and fun! Perfect for the Halloween season. ;P #FridayFrivolity

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    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed the Brainloaf.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  14. I wonder what the brain loaf in that picture is actually made of? Very effective! Thank you for joining the #weekendblogshare

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    Replies
    1. You can get Calves brains in the Asian markets nearby.

      Thanks for tasting.

      Delete
  15. zombienado - this is a movie that could really happen. they did sharknado after all :) #brilliantblogpost

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  16. Food for thought: If God gave Satan the power to raise the dead, would Satan raise them back to life, or would he raise them to death? It's interesting how we can't get mythical creatures out of our culture. I read something very interesting once: man has a very hard time imagining something totally new. We usually only combine ideas from other things already in existence. It got me thinking, maybe a lot of science fiction and fantasy is based in reality, but governments keep those things classified. Perhaps they are sponsoring sci-fi and fantasy media to condition the public into seeing the strange reality when they finally become declassified... Hmm...

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    Replies
    1. Very interesting observations. I have to get some more coffee and think about this.

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  17. I would love to visit this diner! I think I'd take it easy on the exotic menu...

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    Replies
    1. We should meet there for lunch sometime. You have to try the Brainloaf. It's to die for.

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  18. Sounds like an interesting diner! Thanks for linking up with #SundaySmiles :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for visiting Earls and my blog.

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  19. I wonder what the tourists think to the brains?? Thanks for linking to #ShareTheJoyLinky

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure they enjoy them too.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete