Sunday, May 21, 2017

Movie Review: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

  Agent 54 here again.  It was movie day for the gang and I again and despite some whining and moaning we saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 instead of Chips.  As usual, we went to the pool afterward to voice our opinions.  Here’s our review:

Agent 54:  Well, leading off again, I have to say that despite how far-fetched the story and characters are, I really enjoyed Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2.  

Shamu:  Far-fetched?  Man, you know what’s far-fetched?  You thinking anyone believes you can take us all to the movies, comfortably, in that stupid little car you got.

Agent 54:  What?  You never complain on the way to the theater. 

Shamu:  Yeah, well I ain’t dumb.  I don’t want you to kick me out half way there.  I ain’t walkin to the movies.

Rocket Raccoon 
Agent 54:  Whatever!  Getting back to the movie, it was fun and rollicking space adventure with great scenery, great characters and great music.

Flipper:  Oh yeah, you know I liked Gamora.  I dig those red high-lights in her dark hair against her green skin.  Yowsa!

Charlie Tuna:  Easy there Flip, have a little class.  Remember, this is a family show.  Now the character I liked the best was Ego who was played by Kurt Russell.  That dude had class, until he told of his grand plan to remake the Universe and kill everybody.  That wasn’t cool.

Nemo:  You guys didn’t even mention the real star of the show.  Baby Groot is as cute as me.  I loved watching him dance to the 1980s Rock-n-Roll while the rest of the group was fighting the ugly monster in the beginning.  Baby Groot is the coolest.

Agent 54:  Yeah, Baby Groot stole the show at times.  Of course my favorite character,
Yondu who was played by Michael Rooker got killed in the end.  I always enjoyed Rooker as an actor and the rogue character of Quill’s stepdad and Captain of a ship of Ravagers was very cool.

Flipper:  Cool?  What?  Do you remember that guy killed his whole crew with that magic arrow that he controlled by whistling.  Those guys were his buddies and he wiped them all out.

Shamu:  Flip!  They had a mutiny against him and took over his ship.  What the heck would you do?  Those bums got what they deserved.

Agent 54:  Yeah, a mutiny about a vehicle, like when someone criticizes the driver and the car they’re riding all over the place in.

Shamu:  Okay “Captain”.  Man, you need to get over yourself.

Nemo:  I like Agent 54’s car.

Shamu:  Man, you so small you can fit in the glove box with room to spare.  Anyway, I want to say, before I get kicked out of the pool for mutiny by “Captain” Agent 54, I loved the movie.  I loved all the action and adventure and the jokes and Rocket, played by Bradley Cooper, is my guy.  That high-tech genius does and says what he wants and he don’t care.

Flipper:  I like Drax the Destroyer, played by Dave Bautista too.  That guy is hilarious without even trying to be funny.  When he told that beautiful new girl, Mantis, played by Pom Klementieff that she was ugly, that just cracked me up.

Agent 54:  I think that’s what really works with these two Guardians of the Galaxy movies.  There is someone or something the everyone can identify with.  There’s a character for everyone to pick as their favorite.  I like the way they balance the bad guys and side characters out too.  You get Ego who is a nearly undefeatable God-like villain versus the egotistic and yet goofy Sovereigns and then the divided Ravagers sects.  Truly a diverse group as you would imagine the Universe really is.

Charlie Tuna:  Gee, that was a deep and almost scientific analysis of the movie, and BOOORING!  

Shamu:  Nerd alert!

Flipper:  Nerd alert!

Drax The Destroyer
Agent 54:  Aw, don’t start that crap again.   Just give me your Starfish.

Shamu:  5 Starfish, I dug it.

Flipper:  5 Starfish all day.

Nemo:  5 Starfish for Baby Groot.  Hooray!

Charlie Tuna:  4 Starfish.  I don’t think they had to kill that Classy Ego guy.  Couldn’t they try talkin to the guy, maybe a little psycho-therapy?

Agent 54:  Uh, yeah, I guess.  I give it 5 Starfish too and I can’t wait to see the next one and next time Shamu, you can take the bus to the theater.

Shamu:  Yeah, whatever “Captain” Agent 54.

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Horsing Around

  Agent 54 here again.  Well, Saturday was Kentucky Derby day in America and that means funny hats, Mint Julips and horseys.  I always wanted a pony.   I never wanted a race horse.  Just an old steed with no name as a buddy to wander about the dessert with.   Anyway, I got to spy on group of friends who were wearing funny hats, sipping Mint Julips and discussing the event.   Here’s my report.

Scene:  The building looks like a large stable but, inside it’s a horse racing themed bar with lots of wood furniture, wooden bar and lots of pictures of horses and jockey and lots of horse racing paraphernalia on the walls.  A group of friends occupies most of the bar.  It’s several hours before the race.

Donkey:  Oh boy, I can’t wait to bet $100 on “McCraken”.  You know  Tim McCraken was a mean Ice Hockey player in the old movie “Slapshot” and I think “McCraken” is a mean horse and it takes a mean horse to win The Kentucky Derby.

Flicka:  It don’t take no mean horse to win the race.  It takes a fast horse.  Hey Donkey, where’d you get that stupid hat?  Man, it looks like a dollar store shower curtain.

Donkey:  What?  I got it at the race track gift shop.  It’s a nice hat.  They said everyone would be wearing them.  Why ain’t you got no hat on?

Flicka:  Sheesh, hats are for domesticated animals.

Mr. Ed (to Flicka)  Whoa there.  Well, Aren’t you Mr. Wild and Free.  I got a hat on just to feel like more of a part of the festivities.  Nobody cares what it looks like.

Baba Looey:  Si, a fancy sombrero is just part of the fun.  Say Mr. Donkey, isn’t it your turn to buy the next round of Tequila?

Donkey:  Indeed, it is my turn to buy but, we ain’t drinking no Tequila.  Bartender!  A round of Mint Julips for my friends.  I love Kentucky Derby Day and I love my new hat and I love Mint Julips.

Silver:  A good hat was always very important for the Lone Ranger.  Now, Donkey’s hat choice was very smart.  He knew we’d be drinking all these Mint Julips today.
With that hat, Donkey never has to worry about having a place to puke.  

Scene:  All the horses, donkeys, burros, mules the bar crack up laughing except poor ole Donkey.

Donkey (under his breath)  I don’t care what they say, this is a nice hat and I ain’t ever gonna puke in it.

Trigger:  Don’t let them get to ya, Donkey.  They’re just kidding and their hats are no better than yours.
Roy Rogers and Trigger

Flicka:  Mr. Ed’s hat is better, if you’re into hats and running with the crowd.

Silver:  Yeah, forget the hats.  What do you guys think of “Fast an Accurate” in this race?  He’s getting 34-1 odds.

Trigger:  “Fast and Accurate”?  Is that a horse or a secretary in the steno pool?  I like “Gunnevera” at 9-1.

Baba Looey:  Si, “Gunnevera” is going to win the race.

Trigger:  Right you are Baba, give me a hoof-pump.  (don’t try hoof-pumps at home)

Flicka:  You guys are nuts!  “Untrapped” is gonna ride a wave of pure Freedom to victory and make me very rich at 80-1.

Mr. Ed:  Yeah, then you can buy that house in the suburbs you always wanted, eh Flicka?

Flicka:  No way!  After “Untrapped” wins, you guys will never see me again.

Baba Looey:  Oye, do not quit your day job, Mr. Flicka.

Scene:  Everyone at the bar cracks up laughing again.

Scene:  It’s after the race at the same bar with the same friends and everyone is a little wetter, a little drunker and a little poorer.

Donkey:  Man, I knew I should have bet on number 5.  Number 5 has always been my favorite number.  Cinco de Mayo has always been favorite holiday.  Yeah, number 5 all the way.

Mr. Ed:  Yeah Donkey, I guess “McCraken” wasn't all he was “McCrakened” up to be.

Silver:  Yeah, “McCraken” sounds like something you get for breakfast at a fast food place, not a fast horse.

Baba Looey:  Mr. Flicka, I’m sorry “Untrapped” didn’t win.  Do you need Quicksdraw and me to help you find a new job?

Flicka:  Buzz off shorty,  That race was fixed by the same corporations that enslave you guys and you don’t even know it.

Trigger:  Yeah well, “Gunnevera” turned out to be a real refugee from the glue factory.

Silver:  Yeah, and “Fast and Accurate” was actually “Slow and Sloppy”.  Hey Ed,
Lone Ranger and Silver
You’re a know-it-all.  Who’d you blow your money on?

Mr. Ed:  (slurring his words)  Shoot!  I paid $20 for a tip for the name of some nag that I’m not sure if it really ran in the race.  I think I had too many Mint Julips.  Hey Donkey!  Quick, gimme your haaaaat!

Donkey:  Get your own damn hat!  This is a nice hat.  I’m keepin this hat and I’m gonna wear it every day to remind me of the fun I had with my friends here today, damn it!

It appears that the 2019 Kentucky Derby may have be rigged.  None of my equestrian buddies could pick the "declared winner".  Congratulations to “Country House” and let the lawsuits and investigations begin.  Where's Bob Mueller when you need him?