Sunday, May 7, 2017

Horsing Around


Always Dreaming
  Agent 54 here again.  Well, Saturday was Kentucky Derby day in America and that means funny hats, Mint Julips and horseys.  I always wanted a pony.   I never wanted a race horse.  Just an old steed with no name as a buddy to wonder about the dessert with.   Anyway, I got to spy on group of friends who were wearing funny hats, sipping Mint Julips and discussing the event.   Here’s my report.

Scene:  The building looks like a large stable but, inside it’s a horse racing themed bar with lots of wood furniture, wooden bar and lots of pictures of horses and jockey and lots of horse racing paraphernalia on the walls.  A group of friends occupies most of the bar.  It’s several hours before the race.

Donkey:  Oh boy, I can’t wait to bet $100 on “McCraken”.  You know  Tim McCraken was a mean Ice Hockey player in the old movie “Slapshot” and I think “McCraken” is a mean horse and it takes a mean horse to win The Kentucky Derby.

Flicka:  It don’t take no mean horse to win the race.  It takes a fast horse.  Hey Donkey, where’d you get that stupid hat?  Man, it looks like a dollar store shower curtain.

Donkey
Donkey:  What?  I got it at the race track gift shop.  It’s a nice hat.  They said everyone would be wearing them.  Why ain’t you got no hat on?

Flicka:  Sheesh, hats are for domesticated animals.

Mr. Ed (to Flicka)  Whoa there.  Well, Aren’t you Mr. Wild and Free.  I got a hat on just to feel like more of a part of the festivities.  Nobody cares what it looks like.

Baba Looey:  Si, a fancy sombrero is just part of the fun.  Say Mr. Donkey, isn’t it your turn to buy the next round of Tequila?

Donkey:  Indeed, it is my turn to buy but, we ain’t drinking no Tequila.  Bartender!  A round of Mint Julips for my friends.  I love Kentucky Derby Day and I love my new hat and I love Mint Julips.

Silver:  A good hat was always very important for the Lone Ranger.  Now, Donkey’s hat choice was very smart.  He knew we’d be drinking all these Mint Julips today.
With that hat, Donkey never has to worry about having a place to puke.  

Scene:  All the horses, donkeys, burros, mules ect..in the bar crack up laughing except poor ole Donkey.

Donkey (under his breath)  I don’t care what they say, this is a nice hat and I ain’t ever gonna puke in it.

Trigger:  Don’t let them get to ya, Donkey.  They’re just kidding and their hats are no better than yours.
Roy Rogers and Trigger

Flicka:  Mr. Ed’s hat is better, if you’re into hats and running with the crowd.

Silver:  Yeah, forget the hats.  What do you guys think of “Fast an Accurate” in this race?  He’s getting 34-1 odds.

Trigger:  “Fast and Accurate”?  Is that a horse or a secretary in the steno pool?  I like “Gunnevera” at 9-1.

Baba Looey:  Si, “Gunnevera” is going to win the race.

Trigger:  Right you are Baba, give me a hoof-pump.  (don’t try hoof-pumps at home)

Flicka:  You guys are nuts!  “Untrapped” is gonna ride a wave of pure Freedom to victory and make me very rich at 80-1.

Mr. Ed:  Yeah, then you can buy that house in the suburbs you always wanted, eh Flicka?

Flicka:  No way!  After “Untrapped” wins, you guys will never see me again.

Baba Looey:  Oye, do not quit your day job, Mr. Flicka.

Scene:  Everyone at the bar cracks up laughing again.

Scene:  It’s after the race at the same bar with the same friends and everyone is a little wetter, a little drunker and a little poorer.

Donkey:  Man, I knew I should have bet on number 5.  Number 5 has always been my favorite number.  Cinco de Mayo has always been favorite holiday.  Yeah, number 5 all the way.

Mr. Ed:  Yeah Donkey, I guess “McCraken” was all he was “McCrakened” up to be.

Silver:  Yeah, “McCraken” sounds like something you get for breakfast at a fast food place, not a fast horse.

Baba Looey:  Mr. Flicka, I’m sorry “Untrapped” didn’t win.  Do you need Quicksdraw and me to help you find a new job?

Flicka:  Buzz off shorty,  That race was fixed by the same corporations that enslave you guys and you don’t even know it.

Trigger:  Yeah well, “Gunnevera” turned out to be a real refugee from the glue factory.

Silver:  Yeah, and “Fast and Accurate” was actually “Slow and Sloppy”.  Hey Ed,
Lone Ranger and Silver
You’re a know-it-all.  Who’d you blow your money on?

Mr. Ed:  (slurring his words)  Shoot!  I paid $20 for a tip for the name of some nag that I’m not sure if it really ran in the race.  I think I had too many Mint Julips.  Hey Donkey!  Quick, gimme your haaaaat!

Donkey:  Get your own damn hat!  This is a nice hat.  I’m keepin this hat and I’m gonna wear it every day to remind me of the fun I had with my friends here today, damn it!



So none of this equestrian gang could pick the winner.  Congratulations to “Always Dreaming” and better luck next year to the gang.  

32 comments:

  1. I think with hats its the bigger the better :)

    We have several the grand national and royal ascot (the one with the massive hats) are our biggest ones.

    Im glad that you and your buddies enjoyed watching the race and got into the spirit of it.

    when Im on holiday Im going to have to try a mint julip :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hope you enjoy the Mint Julip.

      Thanks for all your support.

      Delete
  2. I don't get into car races or horse races. Just not my cup of tea. I know others are avid fans though.

    I hope you had a great birthday.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, my sister came to help us celebrate and we did some Arizona touristy stuff. Very nice.

      Thanks for visiting and have a great week.

      Delete
  3. I was going to put $2 across the board in the New Jersey horse, but I got tied up with yard work. The yard work saved me $6.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are smarter than the average bear. Your wife is happy with the yard and you have money for a sandwich.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  4. I do like your take on things haha!

    Our Grand National was last month that was full of gigantic hats :-)

    Have a good day and a belated Happy Birthday to you :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  5. I'm a Kentucky gal and enjoyed your article. Went to the Derby once, many years ago!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for visiting and commenting.

      Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  6. Thoroughly enjoyed this story! Thanks so much for sharing through the Blog Hop!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
    2. My pleasure =) I'm doing the blog hop daily, so if you have more stories you'd like to share, you're welcome to add them to the current hop.

      Delete
  7. Very funny, Agent 54! All of the famous horses together, huh? Pass the bourbon. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have a shot on me.

      Thanks for visiting and commenting.

      Delete
  8. Great take on the Kentucky Derby. Lots of wild hats and the cool cocktails. Thanks for sharing at Dishing It & Digging it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  9. This is why i like watching races but not betting on them, i'm not a good loser. Good luck picking a winner next year!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't like losing so I don't bet. We're the smart ones.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  10. Not a great fan of horse race but loved reading your blog.....Haven't tried betting on them..i think i should try that and at least be a winner next year

    Simple Indian Mom Has Recently Published

    *Menaka Bharathi *

    *SimpleIndianMom*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for visiting and commenting.

      Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  11. Are you a grandmother? Our link party is for grandmothers only!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a Grandfather and thank you for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  12. hahaha, that is just great. Love listening in on all your friends. (Btw, Mr. Ed was a favorite TV show of mine when I was growing up and I read every horse book I could find...still want my own pony!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed my little story.

      Thanks for visiting and commenting.

      Delete
  13. I follow you Blogs Following Each Other

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for following me and commenting.

      Delete
  14. I have bet on a few races in my time. It is fun if you know when to stop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, you can go broke if you don't know when to quit.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  15. This is something really new to me, though I know about the horse race details you have written are fun. Thanks for joining the Happy Sunday Link Party

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete